Jokes

last year a statue of bob marley was unveiled in serbia to celebrate peace and tolerance.serbia is one of the most tolerant countries in the world.having slaughted all their intolerant citizens

A woman stands in a crowded elevator at the hotel she is staying. A handsome man walks into the elevator and accidentally elbows her breast. Apologetically, the man says “I’m terribly sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your breast, you’ll forgive me.” To which the woman replies, “If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113.

I'm in the doghouse again.
The wife walked in the room and said; "Goodnight noughties and hello teenies."
So I replied; "Yeah, happy new year, love."
To which she bawled out angrily: "Goodnight Naughties and Hello Teenies!"
I looked round and the bitch was holding up two DVDs from my collection.
Oh shit! Must get better hiding places.

Watched a movie with my girlfriend last night, I was on the edge of my seat.

Fat bitch.

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, “Why don’t we get it on, eh?” She replies, “I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don’t like to make love the night before.” So the husband agrees, rolls back over and starts to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, “You don’t by any chance have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow, do you?”

so anyway,the wife says to me,"you know we could save money if you started walking to work,we could sell your car" so i replied"yeah and if you gave me more sex we could get rid of the nanny"..back to the treehouse...d,oh

according to the cia,osama bin laden has been slipping into afghanistan,he likes to go there to do a little shopping,see a couple of shows and have dinner

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctor’s office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window.

He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor. TO which she replies, “Yes, checking for abnormalities.”

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her down on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, getting herpes – that’s why I’m here!”

A man says to his wife, “I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?” The wife hastily replies, “No, I might go deaf!” To which the man replies, “I’ve been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you’re still fucking talking aren’t you?”

just like to say thanks to everyone who posts or thanks the jokes on this thread,keep them coming.cheers