Jokes

WARNING CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL IS A MAJOR FACTOR IN DANCING LIKE A PLONKER. WARNING CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL MAY MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE WHISPERING WHEN YOU ARE NOT. WARNING CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF INEXPLICABLE RUGBURNS ON THE FOREHEAD!

Favourite TV gaffes! - 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew' - (Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977)

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

love may be blind,but marriage is a real eye opener

While acquainting himself with a new elderly patient, the doctor asked 'how long have you been bedridden?'. After a look of complete confusion the old lady answered. 'Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive'.

funny rhyme!

There once was a man from Pompei,
who fashioned a snatch out of clay,
the heat from his prick,
turned the clay into brick,
and tore all his foreskin away.

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. “What’s going on here?” he asks. The guy sobs, “I was driving along and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car then tied me up to this tree and then left.” The cop studied the guy for a moment, pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. “I guess this isn’t your lucky day, pal.”

Three guys are discussing women. “I like to see a woman’s tits best.” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” Both guys turn to the third guy and ask ”What about you?” to which he replies ”Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”

if at first you dont succeed,redefine success

This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for. He answered, “I want to kill my wife.” “I’m sorry Sir,” the pharmacist replied, “but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can’t sell you any Cyanide.” The guy reaches into his wallet and produces a photo of his wife. The pharmacist looks at the photo of the ugliest woman he has ever seen, blushes and replies, “I am sorry Sir, let me get it for you… I didn’t realize you had a prescription.”