Jokes

A man and his four year old son are talking, when his son asks him “Dad, what does a pussy look like?” The Dad confused, asks him “Before or after sex?” The kid replies “Ummm… before sex.” So the dad says to him “Well have you ever seen a beautiful rose with it’s soft red peddles?” “Yes.” says the son before continuing “What about after sex?” His dad replies, “Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?”

wise proverbs


a closed mouth gathers no foot

Tom’s grandfather left him ten million quid and it was the very next week his long time girlfriend Jane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Tom noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more.

On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. “Jane, the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million quid when he died”

“Don’t be ridiculous…” she replied, “I don’t care who gave you the money!”

Happy with their two beautiful teenage daughters, but still wanting a son, a couple decided to try one more time. After months of effort, the wife finally became pregnant, and nine months later she delivered a baby boy.

The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to discover the ugliest child he had ever seen. The man went back to his wife and said “There’s no way I could be the father of that baby! Look at the two beautiful daughters I’ve had!” He glared at his wife.

“Have you been screwing around on me?” The wife answered, ”Not this time.”

I can't believe the crazy shit people do. I was sitting in church and this bitch next to me lit up a cigarette!

I almost dropped my beer!

In a new years day poll Britons were asked if there were too many foreigners here.

27% responded with Yes.

73% responded with ستایش خد

In three weeks time the last ever Celebrity Big Brother will be over.

It feels like the end of an error.

Apparently, Andy Murray has incredible strengh and flexibility in his wrists.

Maybe this explains why he is such a wanker.

How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?... You phone her. (speaking from experience lol X)

A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked the car. The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be enjoying it, but suddenly objected, “Ouch! That ring is hurting me!” To which he replied “That’s no ring… That’s my watch