Jokes

consciouness: that annoying time between naps

if at first you dont succeed,destroy all evidence that you tried

How can you tell you’re in a tough lesbian bar?

Even the pool table has no balls.

borrow money from pessimists,they dont expect it back

hard work never killed anyone,but why risk it

confession is good for the soul,but bad for your career

schizophrenia.....beats being alone

a guy calls emergency… “Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!” After five minutes, the same man calls back, ”It’s OK, I found another one.”

a woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” She says, “Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!”

Late one night a woman was walking home when a man grabbed her and dragged her into the bushes.

“Help me! Help me!” she screamed “I’m being robbed!”

“You ain’t being robbed…” her attacker interrupted “You’re being screwed!”

The woman looked down at her attacker as he unzipped his jeans. “If you’re screwing me with that,” she fumed, “I am being robbed!”