Jokes

Whats the connection between a fat woman and a moped?
They're both a great ride until your mates see you on one.

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, “Mommy, I saw some ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”

The mother cleverly replies, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are!”

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, “Mommy, I saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”

“The bigger they are, the dumber they are!” she replies.

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber he got!”

why wasnt hitler any good at golf?the first time he got stuck in a bunker he killed himself

Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

So men can be open minded.

What’s the difference between men and premium bonds?

Bonds mature.

What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?

They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

How can you tell who's the head nurse?

She’s the one with the dirty knees.

When I was a kid I used to love Meccano. I would spend ages alone in my room, with my tool in my hand, tightening my little nuts.

While Scotland gets on with the current weather, a 'State of Emergency' has been declared in Glasgow;

Greggs is closed.

I work in a bar called Advice.
I get really good tips.