Jokes

a barnsley lad goes to the vet and says"ive got to see thee about my cat"
"i see"says the vet"is it a tom?"
"naw"says the lad" its in t car"

Tom & jeff, to gays , spent all weekend in bed having sex. On sunday tom says , i'm goin 2 shop, don't u b wanking while i'm away. When he came back ,there were spunk all over the walls and the ceiling. Tom says ,i told u not 2 wank while i was away. jeff said i didn't i farted.

my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob the other day when suddenly she popped a finger in my anus!woman,eh! they,ll do anything to get a ring on their finger

i was round at my girlfriends house yesterday and we were in the kitchen making dinner,when she asked me to turn on the veg.apparently.fingering her disabled sister wasnt what she had in mind.sorry guys and girls,this wasnt one of mine.blame graeme from kilmarnock.

Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

Telling you your wage before tax is like measuring your penis from the top of your spine.

My girlfriend says my sexual prowess is godlike...

Or to put it another way, non-existent.

what does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
a clit round the ear and a flap round the face

what has 90 balls and fucks old ladies?
bingo

Why did the leper crash his car?


He left his foot on the accelerator