Jokes

“That wife of mine is a liar.” said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. “How do you know?” the friend asked. “She didn’t come home last night, and when I asked her where she’d been, she said she’d spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” “So?” the friend replied. “So, she’s a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!”

a little boy ges shopping with his mum and is waiting outside the ladies changing room for his mum to come out.the lad soon gets bored and he sees a female mannequin and sticks his hand up its skirt.at that point his mother comes out and catches him saying"get your hand out of there,dont you know that woman have teeth down there?"the little boy snatches his hand back thanking his lucky stars he didnt get bitten.for the next 10 years he grows up believing that woman have teeth between there legs.at 16 he gets his first girlfriend.one night while her parents are out she invites him over for a little action.after an hour of snogging she says"you can go further if you want"the lad asks"what do you mean?"she says"well,why dont you put your hand down there?"pointing to her crotch."no way,he cries.you,ve got teeth down there"
she says"dont be silly,theres no teeth down there" he continues"yes there are,my mum told me"the girl says(pulling off her panties)for fucks sake.no we havnt got teeth down there,take a look?"the lad takes a good long look then says"well,with the state of those gums im not suprised"

a bloke says to his mate" i remember the first time i used alcohol as a substitite for woman"his mate asks"why?what happened?"the first guy says"i got my knob stuck in the neck of the bottle"

There was a young lady from China,
who had an enormous vagina,
and when she was dead,
they painted it red,
and used it for docking a liner.

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.

Just seen that Drug and Alcohol awareness advert.
"By the age of 16, I'll be at a party and a boy will pressure me for sex."

I fucking doubt it, Speccy.

I've noticed that Americans call their arses "fannies".

Another indication that they're all backwards cunts

A man once offered me a thousand pounds to orally pleasure him.

A thousand pounds. Well, I had my chance and I blew it.

Lady Gaga canceled four shows due to dizziness and shortness of breath.

I fully understand. Last time I sat on my nuts, I almost passed out.