Jokes

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

what do the mafia and a pussy have in common?
one slip of the tongue and you,re in deep shit

what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lictalotopus

i was chatting to a scotsman the other day and asked him if he had spots when he was younger.he replied "achh-neeee"

one armed butlers-they can take it but they cant dish it out

There are essentially four kinds of sex …

HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”.

COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve go

(24-01-2010 21:28 )jackobanger Wrote:  There are essentially four kinds of sex …

HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”.

COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve go

cheers jack-o thats a good one and thanks to everyone that posts jokes on here,some excellent joke telling

beware of alphabet grenades....if you throw one it could spell disaster

my mate said to me"can you tell me what you call someone that comes from corsica?"
i said"cors-i-can"

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde.

I have now given up eating apples.