Jokes

How do you get a drug addict into bed?

With Es.

Went to charity disco last week! in aid of women born without legs ? The dance floor was crawling with fanny!

why is it a waste of time Arsene Wenger being at a porn movie set?

because no matter how close to the action he is he'd say " i did not see it !!!"

ive got a friend who,s fallen in love with two schoolbags-he,s bisatchel

ive got a sponge door-dont knock it

i wanted to be a milkman,but didnt have the bottle

i want to tell you a bit about myself...im a very quiet and secretive person,and thats it really

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

i went to the butchers the other day and the butcher said"i bet you £5 you cant guess the weight of that meat on the top shelf"
i said"imnot gambling,the steaks are to high"

so i took my dog for a walk and it was really angry...well it would be.its a cross breed

i phoned the local gym and asked if they could each me to do the splits.they said"how flexible are you?"i said"i cant make tuesdays"