Jokes

What's the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?

She can only give you lip once!

i had a cat called minton that swallowed a shuttlecock.i said"bad minton"

i had a cat too...................... i called the bastard cooking fat!!!

Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?


He's down to four butts a day

i used to go shoplifting on the shoulders of a load of vampires,then i got caught and charged with burglary on three counts

i went to millets and said"i want to buy a tent"he said"to camp?"so i said (more butchly) "i want to buy a tent"
then i said"i also want to buy a caravan"he said"camper" so i said (campily)"make your mind up"

so i got home and the phone was ringing.i picked it up and said"who,s speaking please?"and a voice said"you are"

what happens if you have sex with a lion?

you will have a roargasm

a man walks into a shop and ponders the chocolate bar section.he makes his mind up and says"i,ll have a twirl and a boost"
so the shopkeeper spins round and points at the bloke and says"you look fabulous today"

so i rang up a local building firm and said"i want a skip outside my house" he said"sure,go ahead.imnot stopping you"