Jokes

Three women are in a bar talking about their vaginas.

The first one says, "I can stick my whole fist in mine."

The second one says, "I can fit my telephone up mine

The third one says, "I don't want to brag or any thing, but can you two help me off my stool."

What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS?
A fucking bitch that can find you ANYWHERE.

i saw that show 50 things to do before you die.id have thought the obvious one was to shout for help

Did you hear about the blonde that tried to commit suicide?
There was a bullet hole in the mirror.


Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending.


Capello's just phoned Wayne Bridge and said "I've just spoken to JT and he's lost the captain's armband. Do me a favour and have a good look under your bed for me".

my mate sid was a victim of id theft,now he,s just called s

im still making love at 71,which is handy for me because i live at 63

what kind of birds lay electric eggs? a battery hen

did you hear about the bloke who was sacked from running the dodgems?he sued for funfair dismissal

how do electric chair operators start the day?with a fry up

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

When the kids are in college.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad!

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

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John Terry has announced he's lost his England captain's armband. Fabio Capello told him to ask Wayne Bridge to check under the bed.