Jokes

A dyslexic man runs to the bin and fishes out a used tissue and puts it in an envelope,when asked why he replied "I just saw an advert that said, send us your old cold and we'll give you loads of gash"

How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand.

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"


A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There is three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds really, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".

A MAN goes to see the doctor for his yearly check-up.
DOCTOR:We just took a blood sample and i have some bad news.
MAN:What is it?
DOCTOR:You have a very deadly disease,and will die in about 10.
MAN:Ten what?Ten years,Ten months,Ten days?
DOCTOR: Nine,eight,seven.....

Cocaine is never a solution.Unless you dissolve it in water. oops

I see BA is going on strike again.i dont know why the A-Team dont just kick him out...

Just been reading one of those learn by alphabet books for medical students.

It's really good;

A is for Arthritus

B is for Bronchitus

C is for Dyslexia

Brian May is watching TV in his living room when all of a sudden in a puff of smoke Freddie Mercury appears from nowhere.
Brian both shocked and startled cries 'Jesus Freddie! How did you manage that!?'
To which Freddie replies 'Well little did you know Brian but I practiced in the ancient art of voodoo for many years on the QT.'
Brian confused says 'Voodoo Freddie? What's Voodoo?'
Freddie answers 'It's a kinda magic...'

My wife just came to bed in nothing but stockings and suspenders, stroked my cock up and down and said, "I want you to fuck my ass and use me all day long".

Goddamnit! I fall for it every April.

Relationships are like wanks.

The longer they last, the better you feel at the end, and once it's done you can get back to playing video games.