Jokes

two men walk into a bar
you would of thought one ov em would of saw it

Knock knock ......

Who's there ? ......

David ......

David Who ? ......

Gordon open the fucking door and get out of my house!!

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What's the difference between Nick Griffin and a bus?

A bus has got seats.

I was watching a porno and this girl managed to gag on the bloke's cock for up to five minutes at a time. Amazed by such a performance, I tried this with my wife and ended up killing her.

Turns out that I just have a slow internet connection.

Facebook:

Sky Sports. - John Terry Suffers Suspected Broken Metatarsal In Right Foot.

Wayne Bridge likes this.

Hats off to the Icelandic people.
First they declared themselves bankrupt...
Then they set their island on fire....
Anyone else smell the mother of all insurance frauds?

This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets aquatinted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around, "What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?", to which the other replies, "Well, there is this barrel on the upper deck, just pump your cock in the side with the hole."

Weeks pass, and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel. He climbs to upper deck and sees the barrel. Flings his shlong out and starts fucking the barrel. Its simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, it was truly a success!

After he was done, zipped up and merrily walking along, the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by. "That barrel really was great! I could do it every day!"

To which the other crew member replies, "Yeah, you can every day except Thursday." Confused, the new guy asks why, to which the other guy replies, "Because its your turn in the barrel on Thursday."

America thought they were being clever with the first black president, Well we've outdone them with the first gay couple

I once went out with lesbian twin sisters. They both licked alike.

Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says

"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"

Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"

A guy goes into the butchers. He says to the butcher "do you have a sheeps head?" The butcher replies "no its just the way I part my hair"

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A guy goes into a french restaurant. He says to the waiter "do you have frogs legs?" The waiter replies "No sir, they're my own..."