Jokes

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced,
"Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."
The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always look for the black box first"

Honda played well for Japan.
I must admit i was suprised Toyota is not in the squad!
That lad never stops.

NEWS FROM THE ENGLAND SQUAD TRAINING CAMP -
Rob Green has trained today and had 4000 shots fired at him without conceding a single goal...

Tommorow he and Heskey will join up with the rest of the squad!!!

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. A little later the son comes running up to his mom and says "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
.
So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
.
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Breaking News from the World Cup:

South African Police admit they"re having problems with Drug-Dealers,
Thieves, and Sex Fiends. They"ve confirmed that things will improve when England get knocked out and John Terry"s family go home.

I've just been sentenced to 9 months in prison for giving a 14 year old boy a handjob,
I feel a little hard done by, I swear it was ball to hand.

Went to the chemist to buy some condoms.
The assisstant asked what type i wanted:"Ribbed,flavoured or Rob Greens?"
I asked what the Rob Greens were.She replied"They are extra slippery and guaranteed not to catch anything"

My doctor informed me that I have irritable bowel syndrome.
When I heard that, I nearly shit myself.

My girlfriend and I were lying in bed. She took out some Durex Tingle lubricant, put a little dollop on her finger and proceeded to rub it into the hole on the end of my cock.I must admit. It was rather pleasing on the eye

I got arrested the other day, I could only have one phone call,so i called a premium sex hot line, my misses was well annoyed, she hates me calling her at work