Jokes

A man goes to the doctors to see if there's anything that can be done about his lisp. After an examination, the doctor tells the man that his huge penis is pulling his lips off-centre. The only way to cure the lisp is to cut off the giant organ. Reluctantly, the man agrees and has the operation. However, a month later the man is back. "I want my penis back" says the man. "I was a fool to have that operation. I can live with a stupid lisp but I can't do without my giant penis." The doctor replies "Oh yeah? Well thcrew you"

I went to the doctor, and he said he wanted to do some tests. He said "I'll want a blood sample, a urine sample, a sample of your excrement and to be on the safe side a sample of your semen"

"No problem, doc, I'll just leave my pants at reception on the way out!"

The test results came back...the doctor looked grim...he said "I've got bad news and even more terrible news......the bad news is that you've only got 24 hours to live"

"Hang on, if that's the bad news, what's the terrible news??????"

"the results came back yesterday, we've been trying to contact you ever since!!!"

What do you do if a bird craps on your car?

- Don't ask her out again.

Took a Dyslexic girl home last night, but she ended up 'Cooking my Sock'.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic anti-Christ?

He sold his soul to Santa!

what do you get when you cross a lion with a monkey !

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?

He didn't believe there was a dog.

Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub.
Mary says she needs a piss, goes behind some bushes and drops her knickers.
Feeling horny Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs.
"Have you changed your sex?" he jokes.
Mary says "No I've changes my mind I'm having a shit!"

"The road to Good Intentions be paved with Hell"

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster....