Jokes

There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"

American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.

The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.

The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"

The english guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle".

"Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?"

"Sure", Says the Englishman.

The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" Says the genie.

The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.

About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.

The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks".

The englishman says "Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?"
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i was in the shop earlier, i found some sleeping tablets, i decided not to wake them up! lol

my fairy godmother granted me a wish, i could either have a long memory or a long penis... i forgot what i wished for now! lol

My wife has worked as a magician's assistant for years now. I think she has picked up a few tricks.

I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom. She said, "Abracadabra!" and my mate, Trevor, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.

Poor bastard must have wondered what the f*** was going on........

I got a new TV last weekend..........I wish!!!

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A woman goes to her doctor's office, to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, And tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings.. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, 'You're perfectly healthy--there' s no problem. But I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?'

The woman stammers, 'Why, Yes, but how did you know?'

Tell him his earrings aren't real gold.

A reporter is walking to a White House press conference when he happens
to see President Clinton leaning on a tree, smoking a pipe.

Nearing the President, the reporter exclaims, "Mr. President, I thought
you were a cigar man!"

Bill looks up and says...


"Naw, cigars are for pussies."

THE HEADACHE

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was
climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a
headache."

"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering
my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository,
it's up to you."

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!