Jokes

(19-03-2011 14:17 )skyliner22 Wrote:  i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

i actually got this on a birthday card a few years ago, fcuknig good ain't it?

BBC News: "Sacked Sheen sues show"...

By the seashore?

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(ps: Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's......just exceedingly good cakes!)

An Englishman & an Irishman are in the hospital laid side by side in different beds. The Englishman looks over at the Irishman and peels away his oxygen mask from his face.

"I'm English..." Said the Englishman.

The Irishman also takes away his mask and gasps, "Irish..."

The Englishman slowly replies, "My name's David..."

"Paddy..." Replies the Irishman.

"Cancer..." Says the Englishman pointing to his chest.

The Irishman who slowly turns his head and lifts away his oxygen mask replies,

"Sagittarius..."

I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, "What's going on?"My wife said, "Erm... We've been playing on the Wii Fit." She winked at my mate and said, "Dave did VERY well."As I walked out of the room, I heard them giggling and calling me a "dickhead", but I had the last laugh. I checked the next day, and none of his scores had even registered!

(20-03-2011 05:35 )vila Wrote:  ...Just like to add my thanks for all your diligent work - don't know how you kept it up for so long. (No Viagra jokes, please, folks.)

Viagra joke...I Was in bed with (add babestation girls name) and reached for the Viagra and swallowed some Tippex by mistake,woke up the following morning with a rather large correction ;-)

my birthday suit still fits! lol

Dear Forum

I have 23 jokes and I can't understand why any of them haven't scored very well.

regards

Fabio.

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for a 69."

She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."

They go into the bedroom, and are 69ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.

She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."

He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."

The postman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."

mrs w asked me for something that does nought to sixty in 5 seconds for her birthday.

I bought her a set of bathroom scales.