Jokes

i used to live in a teapot, i know what you're thinking, "poor (pour) you"

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection..................but she did.

i used to have a belt that had a watch on it, after a while i realised it was a WAIST of time!

A Polish immigrant went to Queensland Transport to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"

shoes, no matter what size they are, they're always a foot long!

John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the after shave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse,'

The second barber turned to McCain and said, 'How about you?'

McCain replied, 'Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks, "Have you ever been bedridden?"
She says, "Yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too!"

(06-04-2011 20:48 )I-Love-U-Fernanda Wrote:  An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks, "Have you ever been bedridden?"
She says, "Yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too!"

After 30 years of marriage, Jim the plumber left his wife Florence .
The note on the table simply read: "It’s over Flo"