Jokes

i asked a japanese woman to make me some food, SUSHI did... and i enjoyed it very much... and no, i'm not being sarky (sake)

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly. "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied, "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

how do you confuse a blonde?
(or to rephrase, what is one of the many ways to confuse a blonde?)

you hand her a globe and tell her to look for the "you are here" sign!

apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are chinese, and there's 5 people in my family so it must be one of them. it's either my mum or my dad or my older brother Colin or my younger brother Hochachu... i think it's Colin

apparently in hawaii they like to honour Lulu

a woman asked me for a double entendre... so i kicked her fuckin' 'ead in!... and said, "i don't know a good one right now, ask some other time" lol

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and
during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not
know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to
do it properly."

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You
must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then
gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for
what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and
screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in!

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."