Jokes

it takes a lot of balls... to admit you're a bad golfer!

My wife applied to go on "how to look good naked"


She got a letter back from channel 4 saying, she wasnt a suitable candidate , but had she considered " scrapheap challenge?

Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently as a youth you have a greater chance of developing tourettes in later life. How the fuck did these shit brained arseholes come up with these cock sucking, titwanking ideas is beyond me! Spunk bucket twat cat shagger! Fuck sake! Wankers!

Done a bit of speed dating the other day and asked the lady some quicke questions about her hobbies and stuff,thought I'd be a bit cheeky so I asked how often she liked sex, she said " Infrequent" I said "Is that one word or two"

2 cleaners were on their hands and knees scrubbing the steps of the governors mansion in California. The governor comes up behind them, whips down there skimpys and shaggs both of them then rushes to his car and disappears along the freeway. Headlines in the papers next day,

"NUT,SCREWS,WASHERS and BOLTS"

Man meets woman in bar and buys her a drink. During this time he keeps looking at his watch, she asks why. He says it's a new dating watch, its giving me information about you. What does it say she asks. It says you have no knickers on. Its wrong she says. i know, he replies, its an hour fast.

A policeman with a sniffer dog came up to me the other day and said "My dog tells me that you're on drugs"
"im on drugs???? I said ???? " You're the one with the fuckin talking dog!"

ryan giggs what a career he has been in 7 FA cup finals 5 league cup finals 3 champions league finals and 1 big brother quarter finalist

Guy walks up to a girl and says "I'd tell you a story about my dick but it's too long.".

She replied "Well, I'd tell you a story about my pussy but you'll never get it!".

i just got botch-slapped...they tried to bitch-slap me but they messed it up!