Jokes

"How do you get your boyfriend to buy you all that expensive stuff?" one blonde asks her diamond-and-mink clad friend. "Simple," she replies, as she takes a mini whiteboard and pen from her Gucci handbag. "Just wait until you're in bed together and write down what you want him to buy you on this board." The first blonde asks, "but why the whiteboard? Why not just ask?" Blushing, her friend say's "Well your mouth well be pretty full at that point."<

Guess who I bumped into at Specsavers ? Everyone

Did you hear about the window cleaner who smashed all the windows? He must have lost his rag!

I Bought one of those blow-up doll girlfriends and accidentally inflated it with helium gas. Now she's playing hard to get.

A one word joke:


Babestation

To the lad on crutches that robbed my camouflage jacket. You can hide but you can't run.

My wife had been missing for two months when the police told me to prepare for the worst. So I went back to the charity shop to get her things back.

"Hello, you're through to Wolfe Headquarters. I'm unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News Of The World will e-mail it to me later..."

What's the difference between David Haye and my trousers? My trousers have a belt.

Isn't it strange how hot and sexy women always drive cute little cars?
Which reminds me, the MOT's due on the wife's Transit!

Serena Williams has been seeded. Well, you've got to admire the bravery of that bloke.