Jokes

Dyslexics of the world untie

I was in a club the other day and saw this fat bird at the bar. I asked her if she fancied a dance "that would be nice" She replied. so I said "Well off you go then, then me and my mates can get to the bar."

Two pals who had a double wedding ten years ago were talking in the pub. One said:"Why is it that we both got married on the same day ten years ago and I have eight kids and you have none?" His friend said:"It's simple - I always use the safe period." The first man said:"When's that?" His pal replied:"When you're on nights."

"Do you use a dictafone?".
"No, I use my finger like everyone else?"

Watched a film called Anal Lesbians,very disappointing.They spent the entire film going through the fridge & labelling everything.

Exit signs are on the way out

Trust is the most important part of a relationship. You must be 100% sure she won't tell your wife.

I have a confession to make. I farted in a crowded lift yesterday. It was wrong on so many levels.

I went to the Doctor and said "I cant pronounce my Fs Ts and Hs" he said " Well you cant say fairer than that then"

A G N B ... That's bang out of order.

A PLANE crashed through my bedroom window last week. The insurance company won't pay up. They say it was my fault for leaving my landing light on.