Jokes

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to various people, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.

(09-08-2011 09:04 )Cheesy Grin Wrote:  Spotted in Dear Deidre

didn't know Adele had the measles?

Statistically 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian Roulette.

As the students left my classroom at the end of a lesson, one girl came to my desk and said, "Sir, I think the batteries are going on my mp3 player. Have you got any spare ones?"

I said, "Actually, I know a little trick." I took them out, gave them a quick lick, and then put them back in.

I said, "Right, that's your tits sorted. Let's look for some batteries."

A few "Riotous" jokes i have seen on various facebook walls over the last few days :

I looked out on the destruction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . . I turned to the wife and said 'Chin up darling, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car next time!


Carlsberg dont do Umbrellas...



but if they did, they would go further than that!!!


Primark on fire in Birmingham City Centre, sources say £5 pounds worth of damage done!!!


I've just got in from work, put the news on and there's hundreds of hooded youths on the telly.
Should've shut the fucking door behind me.


Bloody Nokia predictive text. I only texted a few of my North London mates asking if they fancied a pint.


O M G . Just drove through small heath (Where St Andrews Birmingham City's ground is) on my way to work and the place is fucked.
Nothing to do with the riots, its just a shit hole!


I just looted myself a new dishwasher from Comet.
her name is Tina, the Sales Assistant.


Danny Dyer spotted 4 miles away from the London riots, giving it large in front of his camera crew...


City Centre Update: A gang of 10 women have broken into 15 different clothes shops but eventually went back to the first as they preferred the clothes in there!!!

    I leave Nick Clegg in charge for 2mins.

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked. "She should be here in a minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

One day this man was driving for hours through the country side and needed to go to the bathroom urgently. He sees an old store off the side of the road, pulls up and proceeds to the bathroom. When he was done dumping his captains log, he looked around and noticed to his shock there was no toilet paper and a sign on the wall - "Sorry, there is no toilet paper, but if you wipe your arse with your index and middle fingers and stick them in this hole they will be licked clean." The man thought to himself that that was nasty and that he was not going to do that. So he sits for a further hour trying to figure out what to do, and eventually realizes that although its nasty, that he would do it. So he wipes his arse with his fingers and sticks them in the hole. Then a man on the other side slams two bricks onto the mans fingers so hard the unbelievable pain causes him to shove his fingers in his mouth.

Tottenham's burning - the police suspect Arsene

Wife was lying in bed last night, I said "roll on your back" she said "fucked if I will" I replied "buggered if you won't"