Jokes

Ryan Giggs has turned down an offer to stand for Parliament after he retires.

He wants to spend more time with other peoples families.......

I gave an elderly rabbit a Viagra,but it died.I guess old rabbits die hard.

Ryan Giggs favoured position is inside Imogen

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

i find it weird when people "thank fuck", and when they say or do something "for fuck's sake" WHO THE HELL IS THIS "FUCK" PERSON?!

Viagra & Prozac have launched a new drug.Apparently,if you get a fuck,you wont give a fuck.

Two young businessmen in Boca Raton were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.
As yet, the store wasn't ready,with only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked,
"What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them, They didn't get old by being stupid!

Three blokes, Steve, Dave and Bruce, are working on a high rise .... one of them (Steve) falls to his death.
The other two have to decide who will break the news to his missus.
Dave decides he'll do it as he's pretty good at that caring sentimental stuff and off he trots.
Three hours later he's back with a crate of Stella under his arm.
"Where'd you get that mate?" asks Bruce.
"Steve's missus gave me it."
"So you told her her husband's dead, and she gave you a crate of Stella?"
"Well, not exactly. When she opened the door I said, 'hi you must be Steve's widow.' She replied that she wasn't a widow and I said, 'I bet you a crate of Stella you are.......'"

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the first Dong and out on the second Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear ".......and he'd still be alive today if that bloody ice cream van hadn't gone past."