Jokes

(29-11-2011 17:51 )Boomerangutangangbang Wrote:  Give a man a gun & he can rob a bank.Give a man a bank & he can rob the world.

also fucking brilliant

Bad actors, have their work cut out.

ive been told im selfish because i think the world revolves around me.this is factually wrong the world revolves around the sun which shines out of my arse

I was telling a mate last night that I'd had some Monkey wine.He said "Fuck off ! what's it made of ?" I said "Grey apes"

Ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.

"Drum roll please. "

How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? If the girl has to chew, before she swallows

I very religious man is drowning out at sea off of a popular beach.

The life-guard swims out to rescue you him but he tells the guard no thank you as God will save him.

Then a small rowing boat sails by and again he is offered help but again he tells the potential rescuers no thank you as God will save him.

Finally a ferry passes by and the crew offer him help and again he says no thank you as God will save him. He subsequently drowns!

He next finds himself infront of the almighty and asks why he didn't save him.

God replies 'for my son's names sake, I sent you two boats and a life-guard. What more help did you want!?'


Made me chuckle.

My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I said I would drink to anything!

A farmer in Devon has successfully grown a field of dildos. Apparently though he’s having trouble with squatters!

How do you tell if a birds's too fat to fuck?
When you pull her knicker's down and her arse is still in them