Jokes

I joined a chocalate forum the other day & was asked if I enjoyed the combination of chocolate,caramel,nougat& hazelnut.I said I used to but no longer did.I was banned for going off topic.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"'Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads!"

I got a 19 year old Swedish girl with massive tits to babysit for my kids.Now where the fuck am I going to get some kids from ?

a guy goes to visit his mate at work .WOW he says your new secretary is stunning. thanks he said but shes a robot if you squeeze her left tit she takes dictation squeeze her right tit and she types a letter and you can bend her over and shag her any time you like.second man said can i borrow her a moment? and dragged her into a cupboard after a few moments 1st man hears screaming. Oh i forgot to tell you her arse is a pencil sharpener

How do you pull a fat bird? A pice of cake.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
To see her crack

^ he was only yolk-ing.... but he was shell-fish.... i bet her brain was SCRAMBLED.... some egg-ish puns, there for you.... lol

someone sent me a text all it said was A G N B i think its bang out of order

someone sent me a text, and i replied, "sorry, you'll have to speak up"

Paddy was fucking this girl when she asked "Does it not bother you that i'm only 13?" Paddy replied "No, not really....... i've never been superstitious."