Jokes

mary had a little snatch a teeny tiny hole, johnny couldnt fit it in his massive manly pole, he greased her up squirmed and shoved and pinched her little tit but nothing seemed to work for him the dam thing wouldnt fit, so mary drank a lot of wine and smoked a little grass and just as she was passing out he shoved it up her arse

A women walks into a library & asks for a book on euphemisms,so the librarian takes her up the rear aisle & let's her have it.

My transvestite mate loves Xmas - it's an opportunity for him to eat, drink and be Mary!

When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.

Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.......

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy".

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

The third man answered "They're Carol's."

I phoned in work this morning & said "Sorry boss,I can't come in today,I have a wee cough" He said "You have a wee cough ?" I said "Really ? Cheers boss,see you next week.

people who say they dont enjoy masturbation only have themselves to blame

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree, Why are you Irish ?

What's the most sensitive part of your bodey during masterbation?

The ears.

A horse walks into a bar.The barman says"Why the long face?"The horse replies"Well actually my long face allows my eyes to remain above the grass while eating, So I can see predators far away you pedantic twat"