Jokes

There was a knock at the door this afternoon and I opened it to find two smartly dressed people in suits and ties.

"Good afternoon. Could we take ten minutes of your time to tell you about the love of the Lord Jesus Christ and the benefits of breastfeeding?"

"What??? Who the hell are you?" I asked

"We're the Jehovah's Wet-nurses!!"

some random facts
an elephant shits half its weight in 2 days
a mans penis is 3times the length of his thumb
2 plus 2 equals 4
a woman would have finished reading this by now,but a man would still be checking the size of his thumb

A challenging new sex position has been devised to test the men. Its called the rodeo. Get into the doggy position with the wife, grabbing hold of her tits before telling her they feel just like her sister's and try holding on for eight seconds.

(31-12-2011 11:26 )Money_Shot Wrote:  A knighthood for Doug Ellis?
What next, an honorary MBE to Emile Heskey for services of providing fans with souvenir footballs during games?

Only if the MBE stood for Many Balls Everywhere

in pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name. i.e panadol is paracetomol, amoxil, is amoxicillin ,nurofen is ibuprofen,and so on.the federal drug administration have been looking for a name for viagra and have settled on mycoxaflopin

A lady walks into a pharmacy and says "do you have Viagra?" The pharmacist replies "yes madam". The lady says "does it work?" The pharmacist replies "certainly". The lady then asks "can you get it over the counter?" To which the pharmacist replies "only if I take 6"

My friend keeps dropping things to go out with his wife.

I've decided to nickname him "De Gea".

Due to lack of seats, three ladies are having to stand on the bus. A rather large lady sitting down leans across to a gentleman and says, "If you were a decent human being, you'd stand up and let one of those ladies sit down."

To which the man replies, "If YOU were a decent human being, you'd stand up and let all three of them sit down."

I've decided to join in with the family tradition of hairdressing.
I've gone back to my roots.

I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.

It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.