Jokes

last one,too many great ones

husband and wife shopping in tesco.husband puts 24 cans of lager in the trolly wife takes them out and says they cost £10 we cant afford them.further down the aisle the wife picks up a jar of face cream for £20,the husband says hold on a minute thats a bit expensive.she says ,but it makes me look beautiful ,the husband says ,so does 24 cans of lager and thats half the fucking price

"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull."



"That's a shame."



said his friend , "How did it happen?"





"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's wrong?"

After quickly downing his drink, the man replied, "I got home and found my wife having sex with my best friend."

"Wow," exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple scotch.

"No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house."

As the man downed his second triple scotch, the bartender asked him, "What did you do?"

"I walked over to my wife," the man replied, "looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff and to get the hell out."

"That makes sense," said the bartender, "but what about your best friend?"

The man replied, "I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said, 'BAD DOG!'"

young single mum in the supermarket with her 2 year old who is acting up shouting and screaming.the mum finally loses it and shouts,sometimes i wish id swallowed you when i had the chance

i keep having my profile rejected on that dating site match.com.one of the questions is,what do you want in a woman? apparently my cock is not an acceptable answer

Under SOPA you can get 5 years for downloading a Michael Jackson song,thats one year more than the man who killed him.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Scott Parker

(25-01-2012 10:38 )SeanTheDon Wrote:  What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Scott Parker

I always though it was Doug