Jokes

A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?"



The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!"

The drunk man replies......."

Oh, then it must be your feet."

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."

She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"

He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."

2 old women in a cafe,betty says to ethel did you come on the bus?yes but i made it look like i had an asthma attack

prince charles takes up jogging.each day he passes a prostitute who shouts out £150 no he eays £5.this goes on all week.the following week camilla decides she wants to go with him,this makes him a bit aprehensive as he knows whats coming.as they aproach the prostitute she shouts.see what you get for£5 you tight git

wife says to hubby,did you know that bulls can have sex every single day why cant you,coz they dont have to shag the same fucking old cow all the time

mrs w was doing a crossword before and was really struggling so I had a look to see where she'd gone wrong...

1 down was a 5 letter word and the clue was "Eggs on."...

Correct answer "Goads"

Her answer: "Toast"

Just bet £100 on 3 to go down,Wigan,John Terry & Harry Redknapp.

As on most school days five year old Bethany was dropped off by her mother at her grandparents house.On this occasion though her Grandpa was feeling a bit under the weather,so Granny drove Bethany the mile or so to school and duly picked her up at 3:15."What makes you think Granny went a different way"mom asked?

What do polar bears eat for breakfast?

Snow flakes!

a couple are waiting for their 16 year old son to come home.when he arrives at 4am he has a big smile on his face.his dad says where have you been till this time in the morning?his son says ive just had sex for the first time and it was great.his father says thats great son ill buy you that bike you wanted,but youll have to wait till payday.thats alright says the son i cant ride it for a while anyway my arse is still sore