funny comments/ incidents/putdowns etc

President Calvin Coolidge, known as "Silent Cal" was at a dinner and the young lady seated next to him said, "Mr President I have a wager with my friends that I can get you to say more than two words during dinner." Coolidge replied, "You lose."

There was an experiment held by Ian Winstone on an american campus
A beautiful model had to go up to 100 men and come out with the words'I have noticed you around the campus I find you very attractive would you like to go to bed with me?'

She had 90 takers, of the 10 which declined 5 of which were in a happy relationship, whilst the other 5 had to actually be somewhere like an exam or an urgent meeting with the dean etc.

They than modified her approach slightly and she now had to say' I have noticed you around the campus I find you very attractive would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?'
only 8 people out of 100 agreed to take her up on the offer
No wonder women know how to play us, how obvious are we!

some funny mike tyson moments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwFW834Mrcc

also check my sig.

alleged cricket commentary with Peter Willey batting and Michael Holding bowling....' the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey' ....



David Coleman was commentating on an athletics race, when sprinter Alberto Juantorena suddenly speeded up and took the lead, which led to Coleman saying........'and there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.'

and also...'That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record'

Winston Churchill was master of the art of the put down and frequently had run ins with Lady Astor who on one occassion supposedly replied to Sir Winston with the following piece of sarcasm: “I suppose I would sleep with you for a Million Pounds”. To which Winston offered her ten Pounds. She exclaimed haughtily “Just what sort of women do you think I am?” and churchill calmly replied. “We have already established that! All we are doing now is haggling about price.”
On another occassion a woman reportedly Lady Astor accused churchill of being "disgustingly drunk" which drew the reply from Winston "and you are disgustingly ugly, but in the morning I will be sober" And just one more. A comedian, I think Sean Lock doing a stand up show was with a member of the audience shouting out the punchline to a joke and responded to the guy with "thanks for that, I was in the supermarket the other day and saw a loaf of bread named after you, but on closer inspection it actually said thick CUT"

(14-07-2009 13:18 )setter1000 Wrote:  Glen McGrath the Aussie fast bowler was getting fed up with being slogged all over the park by the sixteen stone Zimbabwean leg spinner Yobes Brandes, so he goes up to him and says 'Yobes how come you are such a fat bastard'
to which Yobes replied 'because every time I screw your wife she gives me a biscuit'

That wasn't glenn mcgrath n yobes. That was Shane Warne n Daryl Cullinan., unless if the same thing happened wit mcgrath lol

(25-09-2009 18:57 )654321 Wrote:  

(14-07-2009 13:18 )setter1000 Wrote:  Glen McGrath the Aussie fast bowler was getting fed up with being slogged all over the park by the sixteen stone Zimbabwean leg spinner Yobes Brandes, so he goes up to him and says 'Yobes how come you are such a fat bastard'
to which Yobes replied 'because every time I screw your wife she gives me a biscuit'

That wasn't glenn mcgrath n yobes. That was Shane Warne n Daryl Cullinan., unless if the same thing happened wit mcgrath lol

that incident warne and cullinan was cullinan making a jibe about warne being fat in response to a warne sledge different incident all together

Gary Birtles the ex Forrest player now pundit once described Lionel Messi as being a master of the dark arts of football "he draws you in than sucks you off" how he manages to avoid the refs detection and camera scrutiny I will never know?

there was a comic called peter Ustinov who once when in the army had a Sergent who said of him 'he sets himself extremely low standards of which he unfortunately cannot keep'

Winston Churchill once when at war with Germany was staying at the white house. The president came in on him having a bath Churchill stood up and said 'the prime minster of great Britain has nothing to hide from the president of the united states of America'

Following on from the comments regarding Winston Churchill and Lady Astor's mutual contempt, I found this little gem:

Lady Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I should flavour your coffee with poison.

Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it."

There's a great incident in the early 1950s,when WINSTON CHURCHILL was prime minister again.
CHURCHILL was asleep, when one of is aids woke him up.
Turns out that one of Churchill's Tory mps as been caught in a park in a compromising position with a guardsmen,this was at a time when homosexuality was ill legal,it was also a very cold night out too.
So the aid tells Churchill about the mp and the guard.
And Churchill turns to the aid and says its freezing out
The aid says yes sir its below zero.
Then Churchill turns again to his aid and says
MAKES YOU PROUD TO BE BRITISH