Homerisms - Better Than that Greek Stuff

Weasling out of work is important to learn; it is what separates humans from animals. Except for weasels.

A gun is not a weapon! It's a tool, like a butcher's knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator.

Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers

"If they can kill the Kennedys why can't they make an instant coffee that tastes good?"

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

(upon Lisa telling him that she's invented a perpetual motion machine)

"In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of Newtonian Physics!"

''Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.''
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''All right brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.''